


Jaina Speaks Up

by singersdd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Star Wars: The Force Awakens Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5585959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singersdd/pseuds/singersdd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm combining the canon of Star Wars as established by the movies, with the canon established by 30+ years' of books. So, Jaina Solo, as Ben's older sister is the narrator of this piece.<br/>If you haven't seen the movie, be aware of spoilers!</p><p>It's a standalone, a catharsis of my feelings after the movie. </p><p>I cried while I wrote it.<br/>It will probably be canon-balled by the next movie, but it can stand until then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jaina Speaks Up

My name is Jaina Solo. Yes, I'm one of those Solos. No, I don't know exactly what happened on that starkiller planet – whatever-it-was – the First Order's latest attempt to control the known universe. I know what Rey and Finn have told Mom and me. My little brother murdered my dad. That's what I know. I don't know why. 

Ben and I have always been different. Maybe it's the female chromosome. Mom and I stayed after Ben left. All the men in the family ran away – out of guilt, I think. Uncle Luke took off for parts unknown, Dad went back to smuggling. 

Even when we were little, there was a difference between Ben and me. Where I stood solidly in the face of accusations about our grandfather, Ben really couldn't handle them. I haven't had to use the line lately, but I used to say, “Are you guilty for the sins of your grandfather, too?”

Anakin Skywalker made some seriously bad choices. He was guilty of the murders of a lot of innocent people. People who didn't do anything but happen to be in his way. But, his choices and his mistakes were his. I'm not guilty of them. I didn't get to pick my grandfathers, but if I had, Anakin Skywalker wouldn't have been one of them. 

Uncle Luke always firmly said that Anakin decided to turn back to the light at the very end of his life. He said to tell Mom that Uncle Luke was right: There was still good in him. How do we know? Well, he didn't kill Uncle Luke when he had the chance, and he saved Uncle Luke from the Emperor's power. Basically, my grandfather committed suicide to save my uncle. Maybe I'd want him for a grandfather after all. There was still good in him. 

I'm not sure there was any good left in Ben. And it's not Mom's or Dad's fault. They did the best they could. They tried to show him the right ways, the light ways, but Ben had an anger that hung around him like a cloak. He was always mad about something. He usually took his anger out on inanimate objects, but once in a while, he would miss and take it out on a sentient being. Like me. By that time, though, I had enough control over the Force to defend myself against my younger brother's rages. 

From what Finn says, Ben never learned to control his anger. Finn said that all the stormtroopers around would try to avoid Ben's notice if he was angry. An angry Ben with a lightsaber? Yeah, that would strike fear into anybody. 

Uncle Luke saw that Ben was angry all the time, and he wouldn't give Ben a lightsaber at the same age he had given me my lightsaber. Ben was in no way ready to handle a lightsaber at 12. 

I was barely ready to handle it at 12, but Uncle Luke says that taking on a responsibility like a lightsaber before you think you're ready will make you more serious about it. From fear you're going to slice your own foot off, if nothing else. I definitely developed a healthy respect for my lightsaber. It was only my bedroom door that had to pay the price for me to learn it. I certainly learned not to turn the thing on in an enclosed space.

Ben never felt any fear of a lightsaber. He saw the power of it, what one could do with it, and he wanted that power. Mom, Dad, Uncle Luke, they all tried to teach Ben the lesson of patience, to feel the weight of responsibility, but Ben wanted power. He didn't care about learning how to tune into the Force when he was quiet or at peace. He wanted to use the raw power, and he wanted it NOW. 

The lure of the Dark Side is so seductive, so easy and raw. That's what Ben wanted. He wanted the easy access to raw power, and he didn't care what he had to do to get it. Snoakes showed Ben how to use that power before he had any control over it. Ben was seduced by the ease of the Dark side. Well, he always wanted to do things the easy way.

When was the last time that anything worthwhile was easy? Some days, it is hard to calm the self down to tap into the Force. I have to make myself stop moving, take a deep breath, think about what's really important in the situation, then I can get to the Light side of the Force. The Light side of the Force is all about the greater good, all about helping others and not one's self. Those on the Dark side tend to be selfish, focused only on what they want, not what's good for everybody else. That was Ben: focused on what he wanted, and not what was good for the galaxy – or even the family – as a whole. 

Sometimes I dream of them – Dad and Ben. I dream that Mom and I were there, that we somehow found a way to convince Ben to hand over the lightsaber, to come back to the Light. I dream that they got off the crystal planet before it exploded with Chewie and Finn and Rey. Then I wake up and reality roars back over me: My little brother ran his lightsaber through my dad. 

I had a weird vision the other evening, just at dusk at the place Mom and I love on Endor. I saw my grandfather. And Yoda. And Obi-Wan Kenobi. But I didn't seen Ben. My grandfather's face was sad. So were Yoda's and Obi-Wan's. My grandfather talked to me. He said, “Jaina, it's not your fault. Tell your mother it's not her fault. Ben had too much of my anger in him.”

I said, “It's not your fault, either. It's Ben's. Or Snoakes'. But it isn't yours or mine or Mom's or Dad's or Uncle Luke's.” I could almost feel him touch my hair and run his hand down my face. He looked like he was proud of me. So did Yoda and Obi-Wan. 

I will never not miss Dad. I will never not miss the little boy Ben was, before he got so angry about everything. But life goes forward. We need to look where we're going, and not where we've been so much. Rey managed to find Uncle Luke and convince him to come back. There is a bit of hope in the galaxy because Uncle Luke has taken up the mantle of Jedi Master again. There will be more Jedi knights. I have hopes that I will be one of them, and I will help teach the ones who are coming.


End file.
